And there's a burglar. No, it's great. It's fine. I'm With it. Ok? You might be upset by these things, but I'm not. I like it. He has his badass mask. Not to mention he hits killer licks. Honestly, I appreciate the company. While the wife is like Oh Thomas! Please come into the panic room Tom! I love you, and I don't want you to die in an armed robbery! I'm your bitch wife too! and I'm like Shut up bitch! Go away! He's filling up his bag without me. How is he supposed to know what's good and bad resale? well the wife calls the police, so he gets away and it's like what the fuck?! I didn't even get to chill with him. In my house.
Well it isn't really my house. It's the HOA's house I guess. And there was this public masturbator, but he wanted to go private, so I let him masturbate outside our windows, and he kept it outside, so he's abiding by the rules I set, the boundaries of the property owner, and the neighbors are whining about his bare ass while he masturbates in front of my kids windows, and they're like Dad why is there a strange man masturbating outside the window! but I'm on the phone with the HOA, and they're like Bare asses are against the rules of the neighborhood, which it isn't but whatever, so I hang up and start whooping the kids, but the wifes like Don't do that! I'm your nagging bitch wife! and I try to explain that they were rude to the private masturbator, but she sees the private masturbator and is all bitchy about it because I forgot to tell her, and it's like Okay! Lay off much?! yet she still keeps nagging me, so I start whooping her, and now everyones getting whooped and the private masturbator invites the batterer, and it's like Consent much?! but he's chill, and it's not bothering me, so it's fine, and he starts whooping on me, and I'm whooping on the family, and the private masturbator is on the phone with--you guessed it--the racist. That's where I drew the line, so everyone had to leave. The kids were red from being whooped, and the wife was like I'm divorcing you for being my loving husband! not to mention the the private masturbator had to go public again, and the batterer punched a hole in my drywall. But whatever, it's fine, and I'm still in control.
Until the HOA came with their bulldozers, wrecking balls and hammers. Things went bananas. So I read up on my wartime strategies as they prepare to siege my home, and the kids are digging trenches, and I'm loading the gun, and my wife is hooking up with the divorce attorney, which is like, what the fuck, so I have to hire a bunch of hookers, but the kids mistake them for HOA employees and mow them down, so now I have these hookers piled up like sandbags, but it's chill because now I don't have to call up the murderer for the siege, so now I got killer kids, and it's like well shit I don't have anything to eat, and the HOA is about to swing their wrecking ball, but I'm like super hungry, I'm not one to mince words, but let's just say I'm grilling the divorce attorney for the neighborhood, so now the neighborhood is tight with me, and the public masturbator has forgiven me for not being tight with the racist, so he invites the sexual assaulter, and everyone thinks he's like a really bad guy, but he just hides in alleyways and jumps out at women with his bare ass so they spank him out of fear, so anyways he's here, but the wrecking ball destroys my house, and I'm like what the hell, so the neighbors all get pissed, and they get out their pitchforks, and I have to be like Wait, everyone, let's just work it out. and everyone wants to do that I think. I thought. I was wrong.
Well the police finally show up too, and they're like Who did this! pointing at all the hookers, and I have to point to the kids, but they see that the kids are just murderers, so they don't mind. They clarify Who called them? and I have to raise my hand, and everyone looks at me like I'm a freak, so I have to point out that the divorce attorney was getting it on with my wife, but everyone just gets more freaked out, so I'm like Without my consent. but everyone just likes me less now, so I'm like Well it's because the public masturbator was in front of my kids but through the window, and he invited the batterer who started whooping everyone while I whooped my family, but then the masturbator invited the racist, so I had to call it off, so the wife had time to file for divorce and get freaky with the attorney. well everyone just frowns at me, and the HOA sets fire to my house through the wrecking ball hole, and I'm just trying to chill out in my own home, but suddenly I'm no longer the master of my domain, and it's just really annoying, so I had to skip town, and then I got a new bitch wife, and new kids, and I have to like them, and I can't like burglars, masturbators, batterers or sex offenders, so it's like 1984, and I just have to like that, on my own property.